When You Wish Upon a Star

Going Private

We have decided to turn this blog into a private blog. I'm posting this before changing our settings in case anyone still has us on their google reader or other site that shows updated posts. We do not mean to shut anyone out of our blog, but merely want to know who is reading. If you would like the user name and password for accessing this blog for future posts, please comment on this post or, if it is already private and you see this on an updater, go to http://www.jennstar.typepad.com  to the new default weblog (the address for this blog, our original, is http://www.jennstar.typepad.com/when_you_wish_upon_a_star) to request this information. Thank you for understanding.

A Sunshine, but not our Sunshine

First, I want to apologize for not posting sooner. I think you can tell from the title of this blog post that things did not go as we had originally planned with our 2nd referral from Moscow. It has been a whirlwind in our lives over the past 3 months and I never meant to leave you hanging, we were just dealing with the grief and our family and computer time across the board was non-existent. It still is.

I don't really know what to say beyond that at this point. Mark & I are praying about what our next step will be. We both want to adopt a child, but we are seeking God's guidance. We are taking a marriage class right now at our church that is helping a lot, particularly with the grief that we are both experiencing, and although we act differently about the loss of this child, we both have broken hearts. It is making it easier to grieve together.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers for our family and for Anya, that God would have an amazing family that is in process this very moment. I have been praying that she is found by them by her 2nd birthday at the end of this month.

I miss you guys and hope to follow along with your lives and post again about ours in the future. At the present moment, it's hard to compose a thought to blog about or read other's blogs. But my heart misses you greatly. Thank you to my friends who have checked up on us. There is a great family among us, one that is hard to put into words, and although I do not know most of you "in person" you are a tremendous strength to me.

A little History Lesson

Russia Day is a holiday of national unity celebrated on June 12. On this day, in 1990, Russian parliament formally declared its sovereignty. The holiday was officially established in 1994. Initially it was named "Day of the adoption of the Declaration of Sovereignty of the Russian Federation", on 1 February 2002 was officially renamed to "Russia Day" (in 1998 Boris Yeltsin offered this name socially). There exist a widespread myth, that the name of this holiday is/was "Russia Independence Day", but it never had such a name in official documents.

I think we will finally be back into our home tonight or tomorrow night. Yahoo!! I long for my own bed! And I can tell that the boys do, too! I have 1.5 more rooms to finish cleaning up and then we'll be set and ready to head back.

M & I head out today for another set of finger prints. Yet another hoop to jump through, right?!

I've been trying to gather a few gifts to take with us, primarily for the orphanage director, a few of the caretakers there, and our driver and translators. I picked up a few insulated mugs (the tall ones that we use in our cars in the states- 50% off at T@rget as they are getting rid of their summer stuff to usher in back-to-school items) and some chocolates and tea. I also found 2 pretty scarves for one of our translators and a thermal tote for our driver (thought he could use this for snacks or lunch in the car- also from T@rget and the 50% section). If anyone has any suggestions for gifting ideas, I would greatly appreciate them! I feel at a loss for what to take over with us. And I have all of my receipts, so taking back something that I have already purchased isn't a problem.

Next post: a discussion about crib bedding (and our final selection), the need for a new vehicle, and some photos of a super-cute gift that I received from a friend of mine in the mail today!!

Until then, Ciao!

About ready for r@t poison!

Do you want to good news or the bad news 1st??

Well, the good news is that the spring traps have caught 2 of these little rodents, both snapped up in our attic. The bad news is that we continue to find droppings in the house and do not think that we have caught the entire clan. These little buggers are slick! We've used peanut butter as the bait on the snap traps and it seems that they know how to eat the PB off of the trap without triggering it. M had made the suggestion a few days ago that if we did not catch another one by that night that we should just go ahead and clean the house thoroughly and move back in. About a half hour later, as I was febrezin' the boy's room, I stepped up onto H's bottom bunk to spray down J's top bunk, only to discover it was covered in the said droppings. YUCK!!! How in the world did they climb up there??? I have a permanent case of the heebee-geebee's. Needless to say, we've been at my in-laws since last week and we're calling the exterminator today.

So being away from home has really stunk (ya know, besides the obvious reasons) because I've wanted to scrap a few of the pictures from our recent trip, but with limited computer access, that won't happen quite yet. I have, however, just made a purchase and wanted to share it with ya. My friend, Queen of Quirk,has introduced me to the wonder of Bento. Since reading about the lunches that she packs for her girls, I've wanted to give thema try with the boys. For one, I like to be "crunchy" and green whenever I can and I've been feeling a bit guilty about the number of zipl*ck baggies and plastic utensils that I send with their lunches that get tossed and not reused (and, I don't know, I've never been big on reusing plastic sandwich baggies). And I'd really like them to be a bit more adventurous with their lunches, since I'm not a fan of THESE lunch options, which they LOVE (seriously, have you looked at the nutritional values and the ingredients?? oh boy!), and I'd like to provide a few more options besides PB & J's and a bag of gold fish. So in addition to a few misc. accesory pieces that I purchased a few month ago, also from the same store, I purchased a few of these items, too:

And the very best part is that I purchased them HERE, from a dollar store! Can't beat those prices!

First big purchase

Thank you so much for the book and web suggestions. I will be checking each of them out! We have 2 book on adoption that have a few chapters on the subject of attachment, but I thought it would be interesting to see what you all recommended.

This morning, H & I did a little exploratory shopping while J was in school. M & I decided to keep the dresser and night stand that J used after he outgrew his crib, and sell the twin bed that went with it so that Sunshine could have a full bed instead. I love that the bottom bunk of the boys bed is a full and we can all lay on it together and read books and talk about our day. And I want this for her, too. But instead of buying a full bed, we decided to get a crib that converts to a double. I found one a few months ago that matches the existing furniture, so we stopped by this baby store today to make the purchase. And how exciting, they were still having a Memorial Day sale!

This is the crib, but in white, and the converted bed:

The jury is still out on the room's bedding and decor. LOL. Funny, I had no problems decorating the bedrooms when we had the boys, but this is proving to be a bit harder. I'll keep you posted ;o)

Didn't mean to keep you in suspence

M & I have been dealing with some major issues since we returned home. Besides the standard problems of jet-lag, laundry, and getting back into the routine of our lives, we have discovered that we have a rodent in our home. *Gasp* The sticky traps that the pest company gave us did catch it, however, it got off (must be a big one). So today my hubby & I went to Lowe's to get some good old-fashioned traps- the kind with springs!! We have been staying with my in-laws since Friday, thus my absence from the internet and online life as I know it. (To those that have emailed to check in with us, I will respond, I promise! And I appreciate you!!)

M & I had a wonderful time in Rome- it was just what we needed after a very stressful and emotional week. I would have to go on record and say that it was probably the worst week of my life to date. It did end much better than it began, but it left M & I with a pit of emptiness inside. Needing to refuse our 1st referral, learning of Pastor's death, and the meeting that we had at the Ministry to request a new referral were too much to handle so far away from home and within a 2 day time-frame. Thankfully, we chose an incredible agency who was supportive and in our corner completely, helping us find additional information and giving us the time we needed to process and make our decision. M & I have prayed a lot about this little girl, wanting to make sure that we are in His will with this journey, as we have throughout the entire process. We decided yesterday and called our agency this morning to let them know that we want to proceed with the adoption of this little girl. There are still questions that we don't have answers to, but based on the medical professionals that we have spoken with and the support and stories from many of you, coupled with our own personal interaction with her, we feel very good her future.

So now begins the real preparations! There seems to be a ton to do! We need to make a few purchases, get her room ready, fill out more paperwork, prepare for another trip, and read more on attachment! I think that's my biggest concern, or perhaps my biggest challenge; feeling that I am prepared enough to be the best mother that I can possibly be for her, to be the mother that she deserves. Any advice or recommendations of websites or books, I am all ears!

My bed has never felt so good!

We made it home. And I am so thankful. We got in at about 10:20 last night, and made it home at about 11:30. I was showered, dressed, and in bed by midnight. It was such a great feeling to climb into my bed, with it's clean sheets (made sure to wash everyone's sheets before we left) and comfy blankets and hug my body-pillow while I drifted off to sweet dreams.

We have a few errands to run this morning and then we will ck up the boys from school. They both go on Thursdays, so it worked out. I think we may even pick them up a bit early- don't know if I can wait until 1:30!! :o)

A few peaks into our week

Almost ready to head home

We are packing up and heading out. We signed all the necessary paperwork yesterday, but everything will not be filed until next week. The emotions of the week have really worn us out. We feel much better today and had a great visit with her yesterday before heading to the notary (which is actually nothing like a notary in the states- many have gone to school to be a lawyer and then decide to work in the notary- we were wondering how they could charge so much). I hope to post some photos when we arrive back in the states. I just wanted to check in, so no ones worries ;o) More stories to follow (and some pictures, too). Ciao!

Blank inside

Sorry that I did not post yesterday. It's been a very emotional week and I was simply too drained to do so when we got back to the apartment. We've just come back from a 2nd day with our 2nd referral. She is such a sweet little baby. We are very concerned about her size, however. At almost 19 months, she is wearing 3 month clothing and weights only about 16 pounds. Itty-bitty. This wouldn't necessarily scare us, except that we don't have any information on her background, thus we do not know if her size is due to having small birth-parents, or if it is caused by the care (or lack of) that her mother gave her or how she treated her own body while she was pregnant. Please pray for us, that God would guide us- we do not want to be guided by our emotions only; because of the week that we have had, our emotions aren't good for anything right now. And since we got her referral so late in the week, there is no time to process the information that we have gathered with our US doctor for a 2nd opinion. We will likely sign papers to accept her tomorrow and then give our agency a more concrete answer when we return home, since there are no other referrals that we will be able to see, according to the MOE. Any advice that you guys may have, we are open to it! This experience is new to us, and while we feel that we did a good job of preparing for this trip and what we might see in our referral, we did not expect (while we had prepared for the possibility) to be in the situation that we are. We have been praying that both M & I have a peace from God about either decision and neither of us feel that we have that yet. God is faithful, and I know He has a purpose for everything that we endure and go through. It's just hard, in our human thinking, to understand why He might have brought us half way around the world for nothing- yet we don't want to accept a referral simply based on "well, we're here and she's the only option." I hope I'm making sense and that you understand where we are right now. Please pray for God's peace in our decision.

On a humerous note (which I need more of right now, to balance myself out), we rode the trolley-bus back to our apartment yesterday after grabbing a bite to eat and we had the privilege of seeing an older gentleman releaving himself on the sidewalk onto the street. Just a little story to write home about.